Healing Old Wounds and Increasing Fertility: Part One
All of us have experienced pain and rejection at some point in our lives. Who hasn’t been lied to, let down, made fun of or felt outright rejected?
I have seen clients holding on to old hurts, particularly ones related to their partner or parents, that have had the power to hinder conception.
Think about a person you would like to forgive. Do you have any sensations in your body when you think about this person? Does any anger arise or tightness in your chest? Does the amount of anger surprise you after all this time?
Imagine what those blocked emotions are doing to your body.
Releasing the pain and going through the deep work of forgiveness is one of the most powerful practices to increase your fertility.
When we have been wronged, it is important for our physical as well as mental health to process our true feelings. Only once we are ready to truly forgive the person can we move on – especially if that person is yourself.
That means we have to do the work.
We have to face our feelings with honesty and compassion first. Many want to skip this step and move on to “forgive and forget” but that isn’t true forgiveness. Forgiveness that releases emotions and stress from your body is a deep, multi-layered process.
This is one of the most challenging practices. Therefore, in this series on healing old wounds and increasing fertility, we are going to tackle the toughest one first. And it is, indeed a practice.
It is not a one-time event; rather it is more like a virtue such as patience, or kindness that needs to be consciously cultivated.
Forgiveness- it seems to encompass so much – past hurts and regrets and a lack of power to change what happened. Often we find that we push past our old feelings and carry on without having truly processed our deep disappointment with what happened. Old grudges and pain do not get processed on their own.
True processing requires deep work and commitment, but in the end, it leads to liberation and a lighter, more joyful version of you.
Forgiveness is releasing the expectation of an admittance of wrongdoing, an apology or punishment with compassion in our hearts. It is freeing ourselves of the burden of painful emotions without absolving others for their actions.
Forgive others – not because they necessarily deserve it, but because you desire peace.
According to Dr. Robert Enright, author of The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love, twelve studies have proven that forgiveness lowers anxiety and anger, decreases depression, provides greater self esteem, hopefulness, and healthier relationships.
Wouldn’t that be a great way to start off your relationship with your future child? To create a legacy of hope, strength, happiness and healthy relationships based on love?
Only when we are free can we feel the depths and expansion of love.
Find a quiet place and block some time to do the following.
Steps to forgiveness:
1. Allow your true emotions to arise
Think of a person from which you would like to release painful emotions. Name your true emotions, say them out loud or write them down. Allow time for this. You may need to stop here and give yourself time before moving on to the next step.
2. Willingness to forgive
Can you think this painful situation or difficult person and say sincerely, “even though this hurt like hell, I am willing to forgive you?” Remember, forgiveness is for YOU – not for them. Forgiveness gives you peace in your heart even though you may never see the person responsible for your pain again.
3. Write two letters
Write a narrative from your point of view encompassing what happened and how their treatment affected you. Once completed, practice deep breathing and drink some water before continuing. The next step is tricky, but necessary to clear the pathway to forgiveness. The second letter is from the other person’s point of view. This can either be a first person account expressing their side, or from your point of view using “I know…” statements. For example “I know you were abandoned as a child and had a closed heart.” “I know turning down this promotion was a big deal for you….” Dig deep. This is how we complete the story and give wholeness to our healing.
Now take the letters and safely burn them. Watch the paper catch fire and release all the emotions tied into that story in the night sky. Repeat “I am willing to move forward. I release this experience. I forgive you,” while the letters burn.
5. Create a forgiveness ritual
It will take time until you have some distance from the old story and emotions. You will know that all of the emotions have been released when you can talk about the experience or the person and you do not get emotional. Instead you will have gained a neutral distance to the experience/person. Until you have reached this point, a daily ritual is a useful reminder that you are a work in progress on the path of forgiveness.
As mentioned before, forgiveness is a practice just like kindness and compassion. Place a small stone next to your tooth brush. Before brushing your teeth, place the stone in your left hand, look in the mirror and repeat “I am willing to move forward. I release you. I forgive you,” five times. Do this consistently for 21 days. At the end of this time period, if you can think of the person/experience with neutral feelings, you are ready for the final step. You can now release the stone back to nature by tossing it into a large body of water or returning it to the ground. If, on the other hand, you have not completely released the pain after 21 days, repeat steps 2-5.
Be gentle with yourself. The tears you have shed are truly cleansing. This is a powerful process. If you are using this for a traumatic event, it is advised to work with a therapist.
You may have to move through these steps multiple times in order to get all the emotions processed but I promise you, it is worth it. You will be stronger, lighter, more open and loving once you have truly forgiven. And a lighter, happier you makes for a more open and loving future parent and a lighter and happier future generation.
Please feel free to reach out privately and share your experience with this process.
In love and service,
*** I have used the word story in the sense of “an account for a happening.” ***